Open letter to my firstborn on his 1st birthday

Dear Big Munchkin

Happy 1st birthday darling! I hope you've enjoyed your first year of life!

You should know that when you were born you completed me. I felt like I had always known you from the very first second that I held you. I was absolutely 100% born to be your mummy. It was the most incredible feeling.

You were born 10 days before your due date which we were really pleased about so that you didn’t have to celebrate your birthday with Christmas.

On the Wednesday I was on my way to hospital for a class on breastfeeding (too much information? Sorry!) when I tripped over a bit of pavement jutting out, and being very heavily pregnant I had no centre of gravity and fell straight over, landing on the bump being the bit that stuck out the most.  Also having a massive lump for a tummy meant I struggled to get back up again (daddy asked if I looked like a beetle rolling round on my back…) and two bin men had to help me up. They were very sweet and told me I should go straight to the hospital to get checked out. As soon as I walked away from them I cried and cried, my knee was bleeding, I’d bruised my arm and leg and I rang daddy in hysterics I was so worried I had damaged you. I went straight to hospital (still crying!) and the midwives checked us out, took blood samples, blood pressure, listened to your heart beat, checked you were moving and that I wasn’t bleeding and after a few hours let us go home.  That night I went into labour!  I still have no idea if our crash induced you to come out early or you were naturally going to come out then anyway…..

Contractions started at about 1am on the Thursday morning and were quite low key through the night. Daddy went to work the next morning and I remember the cleaner coming over and me telling her I had some period like pains. By mid morning they were quite sore but I was convinced that they were false ones (I even wrote on Facebook “if these are what false contractions feel like I’m not looking forward to the real thing”). I tried to read the baby books about labour that had arrived that morning (nothing like being prepared!) but was a bit sore. I wasn’t going out anyway because I’d lost my confidence following our fall the day before, but I spoke to a few people during the day and at about 6 or 7pm grandma suggested that I ask Daddy to come home to look after me. I rang him and said “I’m not in labour, but it does hurt and it would be nice if you could come home” and he did. He came home and timed the contractions properly and guess what?  They were real contractions! Contractions were about 3 minutes apart by 2am so we rang the hospital and went in, but I wasn’t far enough advanced and we were sent home again. We finally went back in at 7am, having been up all night (labour really is quite painful I’m sorry to say!). To cut a long story short, I got put in a birthing pool, had a little bit of gas and air (although had to stop taking it when it made me really sick) and you were born in the water at 2.54pm. Watching you literally swim out of me (the midwives don’t intervene in a water birth) and then be put straight on my chest with the cord still attached was THE most amazing thing I think I will ever experience!

You were born 7lb 1oz and were 53cm long and you were born with the most gorgeous head of hair – brown with blonde highlights, it was amazing! You were a little blue (which apparently is normal – we didn’t know that at the time!) and you snuggled up on me like you belonged there. We didn’t know whether we were having a boy or a girl, but you looked just like your scan photos, and it was like I had always known you. It almost wasn’t a surprise when you turned up - it was a bit like "oh, hello, there you are. I've been expecting you”– it was very weird... even after an hour of you being born it felt like I had always been your mummy... like I was born to be your mummy. It was you. Of course it was you. It was always going to be you. I could not have been happier! I felt complete the moment you arrived.

You even chose your own name – while Daddy was in the toilet I told the midwife our choice of two names and you screwed your 5 minute old face up at one of them! So there we had it! Poor Daddy came out of the toilet and you’d already been named….

We have since had the most incredible year together. You are beautiful and loving. You eat well and sleep well (you’ve slept through the night since you were 12 weeks old and always to 7 or 8am), you always wake up smiling, you love cuddles and you giggle constantly. Stroking your nose helps you to get to sleep (you’ve even started stroking your own nose now) and you always check where I am in a room when someone else is holding you. You have a special smile reserved for me and Daddy where your whole face just lights up with genuine delight when you see us. Its an absolute treat every time!

We love you more than we have ever loved anything ever. You are a complete precious treasure who is an absolute pleasure to spend time with, and you are adored by everyone.

Thank for being my beautiful baby boy. I will always love you!

Love Mummy xx

(My) Top Ten Things

At a wedding once, one of our friends got cross with his girlfriend because she had failed to mention that there was ham on the evening buffet and by the time he’d got there it had all gone. It turns out ham (yes, ham!) is one of his top ten things ever! It led to a weekend of discussing what would feature in our Top Ten.

Inevitably some rules had to be made after lists started to appear like this: 1) my mum 2) my dad 3) ham 4) my girlfriend 5) my brother etc  and the game degenerated into Top Ten Food and Top Ten Films and even Top Ten Apples (one of our friends had 4 different types of apple in his Top Ten list of everything – make of him what you will!). Those peculiarities aside, here’s my Top Ten as of today.

1) My boys (obviously) and all the fantastic joys and privileges of being their mummy (I could have a Top Ten list of the things I love about each of them individually but for the purpose of this assume that’s all included in the top slot here)

2) My husband (he completely understands relegation to second place following the birth of our babies!)

3) My family and friends

4) Good food (I debated splitting it out and giving Crisps, Chocolate, Spare Ribs, Fajitas and Chinese Roast Duck separate entries – but then I ran out of numbers in my top ten….), especially with: 

5) Wine (yes, I do think this deserves a whole category to itself J)

6) Sunshine on my face (particularly in May, Summer and September. Actually anytime really)

7) Outdoor pursuits like horse-riding, ski-ing, scuba diving and swimming with dolphins (I should point out I have only done the last one once, whilst on holiday in New Zealand, but it was absolutely spectacular and the experience has always stayed with me)

8) Trying new things (I used to have a new years resolution that I had to try something new every year – this led to a very broad range of temporary hobbies!)

9) Holidays (anywhere!!)

10) Laughing & dancing (see what I mean about having too many things to limit to a Top Ten!)

What would your Top Ten be?

I know that as soon as I post this list I am going to think of at least 5 other things that should have featured on the list – my husband started to cheat when writing his list to fit more in. What was originally “friends” “a good night out” and “an open fire” merged into “sitting with friends in front of an open fire having a really good pint and giggles”  which only counted as one entry rather than three. It’s your own list and your own rules though so play the game however you want!

Now please excuse me while I get the little fried egg sweets back to the cupboard before my son realises they’ve gone and mummy gets relegated out of his Top Ten………..

Open letter to Mini Munchkin

To my dearest little Mini Munchkin,

HAPPY 1^st BIRTHDAY!

I’m just writing this the night before your first birthday while Daddy is trying to make your little ride on fire engine that Big Munchkin has got you for your birthday. It looks fantastic, I hope you love it!

I can’t believe you’re a year old – it feels like yesterday that you were born and yet I can’t remember a time without you. I’ve said the same thing to Big Munchkin, but its true – I was absolutely born to be your mummy!

You were due at the end of September but I was half expecting you to arrive early – Big Munchkin was 10 days early – and strangely we were due at a wedding in West Hampstead (its an area in London) on the day he arrived and we were going to another wedding in West Hampstead 10 days before your due date so I thought it might be a sign of some sort (which as it happened it was).

Sorry to be blunt, but labour was horribly painful (I needed Pethidine by the end – probably an illegal drug by the time you read this…..), not helped by the fact I’d had no sleep (after said wedding Daddy and I had gone to bed at 1am and I went into labour just 4 short hours later), and it went on from 5am on the Sunday until you were born at 3am on the Monday. But then there you were!  This perfect little bundle of you! You were 8lbs 1oz when you born and 57 cm long – obviously every bit perfect. Daddy nearly passed out (he’s never been good with blood and had not slept for nearly 24 hours, but thankfully there was a mattress for him on the floor next to my bed!) but don’t hold that against him J

You were so tiny and pink and beautiful and it was so incredible to cuddle you after 9 months of you living inside me. It was amazing! Daddy left us at 6am to go home and get some sleep, you slept in the cot next to me and I just watched you. We moved down to the ward at about 9am and I think I must have slept for a little bit then until Daddy came back at 11am.

We stayed in hospital the next night because I had Group B Strep and you needed to be monitored for 24 hours, but thankfully you were fine. Daddy, your big brother and Grandma came in to see us and we had lots of lovely quality time on our own too! Big Munchkin loved you from the first moment he saw you and has loved you ever since (much like the rest of us!) and brought you a little card he made with Grandma. You gave him a playmat for his cars, just so you know….

Over the last 12 months you have grown into the most special little boy – you just love life!  You have so much energy and have been described as the smiliest baby ever by every person who has ever come into contact with you!  I literally have not once left the house without someone commenting on how smiley you are (that and how beautiful and long your eyelashes are…..).

You love to play and giggle and laugh, you think your brother is hilarious (he is quite funny!) and will sit with him at the table and giggle incessantly together. You also always want to join in with whatever he is doing. You have always acted above your age and want to do things that your peers are not yet capable of. You are already walking and saying a few words (your first word was “ready” – it just about sums you up – you never sit still!). If we go the playground, you sit on cars for babies 6 months older than you and want to go down the slide on your own or on a seesaw that even Big Munchkin is intimidated by…. You are quite fearless and so adventurous. You play games that are very advanced for your age – currently you like to pretend to sleep – and giggle like anything when one of us joins in. Your laugh is completely infectious and you are amazing to watch!

Thank you for being my son. I love you with all my heart!

All my love,

Mummy xx

Why babies love looking at faces

From the moment they’re born babies love to look at faces. Despite not being able to focus properly for the first few weeks of life, studies have shown that babies prefer looking at faces more than any other object. Unsurprisingly they prefer their mummy’s face to anyone else’s, but it has even been proven that they prefer ‘good-looking’ faces to less attractive ones and that they show a preference for happy faces and faces with open eyes. Who says babies aren’t clever?!

"Babies are hardwired to recognize faces, which helps them connect with their caregiver early on" says Michael Frank, a brain and cognitive sciences researcher at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology "They like to look at anything that resembles a face, even something as abstract as an electrical outlet." [1]

Just about anyone who has come into contact with a baby has proved the theory by playing various games with them – think of peekaboo (they stop smiling when you disappear!), pulling faces at them or in the mirror with them (induces hysterical giggles) or waving your hand in front of your face and ‘pulling’ a smile up or a frown down (usually met with wide eyed amazement). They just love to look at your face – it can hold their attention for as long as you want to play the game (or until it’s time for a sleep or a feed, whatever comes first!) – especially if your eyes are really wide open and your smile is equally as big.

This fascination starts from birth. In one experiment researchers showed videos of women’s faces to babies of just 12 - 36 hours old, and the babies had a clear preference for watching their mothers’ faces rather than those of strangers (particularly impressive when you consider that at this age they can really only see an outline with a blurry centre). And the appeal continues as the baby develops – they are able to pay attention to individual facial features at about 6 weeks old, at about 3 months your baby can keep your face in their memory for about 24 hours[2] and they are able to copy facial expressions from about 6 months old.

So, we know they love looking at faces. It has been tested by a lot of scientists (and they’re a clever bunch), and we’ve seen it for ourselves (and we’re pretty smart too). But why?

The main theory is this. Primarily we are social creatures and face recognition is thought to encourage social behaviour in babies and help with development of social skills later on. "Babies are born with a fairly detailed representation of the average human face that helps them recognise familiar faces and also helps them learn about the social world" says Dr Alan Slater, a psychologist at Exeter University.[3]

There are two elements to this. Firstly face recognition means, quite simply and obviously, that we are able to recognise others – invaluable for a baby who is completely dependent on others for its survival, but clearly important throughout life (imagine if you, the adult, forgot everyone the moment they left the room?). Secondly we use faces as a way of communication through both eye contact, which “helps establish a communicative link between two people” [4] and facial expressions.  Researchers have even found that infants under 8 months old may rely on visual cues to differentiate between foreign languages![5]  It is therefore very important for a child’s development that they have had a lot of practice looking at faces and reading expressions from a young age.

So babies love looking at faces both for social interaction and for developing communication skills for later life. That really does make sense. But I also like the theory that “looking into someone's eyes is a necessity for falling in love” [6]. Maybe they just like looking at faces to show their mummy they love them!

---

[1] source: www.parenting.com

[2] source: www.todaysparent.com

[3] source: www.newscientist.com

[4] source: www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2572680

[5] source: www.time.com

[6] source: www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au

The birth of my third baby

The birth of my third actually happened in between those of my two sons. It was a lot less painful physically, although it did take a lot longer. It was still created by me and my husband, but we also delivered it ourselves. It was, of course, the birth of Who Loves Me?.

When our first son was born, the grandparents (on both sides) would visit frequently, they would never leave it longer than a couple of weeks in between visits. Nevertheless this was long enough apart for our son to completely forget them (apparently babies of three months old can only hold your face in their memory for 24 hours) and, as a shy baby, he wouldn’t want to cuddle them straight away and would often cry if he was taken away from mummy. He would get used to them during the course of the visit and be smiling like a very smiley thing on a particularly smiley day by the time they left, but the next time they came we’d be back to square one – refusing cuddles and looking at them as if they were strangers. Obviously all very upsetting for the grandparents who just wanted a big snuggle with their baby grandson.

[Enter Who Loves Me? stage right]

We made some cards for him – they were exceptionally basic compared to the ones we now make, but the prototype nonetheless – with photos of each of the family on each card and a little typed caption underneath with the name of the person and “loves me” (e.g. “Grandma loves me” or “Granny loves me” or “Uncle Simon loves me” etc) and we would show him the cards in between visits, looking at each card with him and saying the name of the person. The difference was honestly incredible. He would recognise granny / granddad / grandma as soon as they arrived!  They would be treated to a big smile when they walked through the door and he would reach out for cuddles for them. Well, you can imagine how pleased the grandparents were!!

We used our own cards for a while before we began thinking that these would also be really beneficial to other families. After all, not many babies see their grandparents every 24 hours! I took our cards to my NCT friends who had babies the same age and asked them what they thought. Was it a viable concept?  Would they buy a pack? How much would they pay for them? (In recent interviews I’ve done, this has been called my ‘ready-made focus group’ – a professional way of saying I asked my friends what they thought over a pizza!)

I got my friend Lisa, a graphic designer, on board who beautifully brought our vision to life by creating the artwork for the borders of the cards. My dad (an accountant) guided us through the financial administration of setting up a business, our friend Josh (a marketing guru) gave us a marketing workshop over a long dinner and his wife Gemma (a lawyer) helped us with the terms and conditions on our website. Sadly we didn’t know any web designers or trade mark lawyers (we know plenty now!) but we found some and got them all involved too. 

After what felt like forever we finally ‘gave birth’ in June 2010 – when I was heavily pregnant with baby number two. Two births within a few months of each other - now that takes some doing!

                                                    Dom making the first pack of cards!

I’ve never written down this “birth” story previously, so thanks to Tara Cain and The Gallery  for prompting me.

The P word rears its ugly head

The P word. Its Upon us.

Potty training. Oh, that's two words. Poo! Well at least that P word leads me on nicely...

My son is two and a half. He ticks all the boxes for being ready to potty train. He is fascinated by other people going to the toilet (lets hope he loses this fascination in later life!), is increasingly independent (did I mention he’s two and half?), aware when he is doing a poo, wants to help put on and take off his own clothes and has the ability to sit still for more than five minutes. He has ticked all these boxes for ages. Yet still we’d not started potty training.

To be honest, despite the box ticking, I didn’t think either of us were ready. He has shown absolutely no interest in the potty or using the toilet himself, and he has cried when I’ve tried to get him to use either before a bath. He knows when he’s doing a poo, but he lies about it if you ask him because he doesn’t want his nappy changed (he has no problem at all with being in a wet or dirty nappy). So I put it off.

Finally my husband told me I had to do it (sounds harsh, but to be honest I did need telling!!). So we started two days ago and it has actually not been that bad! I have to bribe him every time with a new car (just a very cheap, tiny little toy one – not keys to his own brand new top of the range Mercedes, obviously) which cost me dearly in cars on day one (I actually secretly took some back that evening when he went to bed to use for bribery on the next day – he didn’t notice!) - I’m going to scale it down to a chocolate button or breadstick or something in the next couple of days otherwise I’ll have to remortgage to continue potty training..... although at the moment it is only marginally more expensive than buying nappies and wipes! But the good news is, he knows when he needs a wee (which he still calls “a poo”.... what have I taught him?!) and normally gets to the potty in time. He doesn’t mind if he doesn’t, but he gets super excited about the praise (and the gift of the car) when he does.

So day three today, and he’s gone to nursery in pants and no nappy (and several changes of clothes, just in case). I really hope he’s getting on ok!

THINK BIGGER

I have learnt a valuable lesson this week.

The wife of my husband's cousin (keeping up so far?) put me in touch with a friend of hers who runs his own PR company. I didn't know him previously (to clarify "him" being the friend, not "him" my husband, or "him" his cousin) and so in discussing WLM went back to the basics about our business strategy. This is useful in itself, to refamiliarise yourself with your goals and strategies, but also he queried me on a couple of points which made me reassess them slightly.

The main point being, I need to think bigger. There's no rule that says in order to make the big time with your company you have to wait for X number of years. There's nothing to stop you growing as quickly as you want to and nothing to prevent you from reaching success sooner rather than later. In the words of Carrie Bradshaw, "I got to thinking" why am I not already trying to get WLM into magazines like Red, the big newspapers and breakfast TV? So they're included in my new goals. Wish me luck!

If you don't do it already (and maybe you all do!) I definitely recommend revisiting your business plan and goals on a regular basis and checking that they are still relevant / appropriate / realistic. And as importantly, are your dreams big enough?